A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post declaring that I had it all figured out. (Read it here) I had sifted through my options. I had evaluated my resources. I had carefully and thoughtfully come to the conclusion that I wanted to invest my available time and money in persuing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training. I was all set to jump into classes this week and (re)embark on my jiu jitsu journey. Everything was looking awesome. My plan was coming together. And then… it wasn’t. And the kicker is, I don’t even really know why that happened. Two weeks ago I was stoked to spend hour after hour in the gym drilling and sparring. I couldn’t imagine wanting to do anything else with my free (and not so free) time. Sure it would have involved some sacrifice, but I thought I had wrestled with that issue and come to grips with that fact. Apparently I hadn’t. Go figure!
But a few days ago, as the time approached to actually commit to signing up for bjj classes, I started to have some doubts. And then I just had an awesome weekend hanging out with family and friends, and it really hit me hard that I would have to give up a lot of these experiences to invest the necessary time required to advance at jiu jitsu the way I would want to. Here’s how my thinking works on this; bjj is a substantial financial investment. Which doesn’t bug me at all. Anything worth learning requires an investment. And those that teach well deserve to be compensated appropriately. So paying for classes isn’t the issue. The issue, for me, is investing in something monetarily that I will invest my time in as well. So in my mind, paying the require fees to only attend class twice a week is tough for me to justify. The rift occurs when I realize that I probably won’t be able to consistently invest more than two days a week for training. So then I begin to second guess signing up for classes at all.
I honestly thought I had worked through all of this stuff in the weeks leading up to my previous blog post, but it doesn’t seem that I have. Some people might read this and think that I’m just being lazy or that I don’t want to put in the hard work to learn and advance in jiu jitsu. While being lazy is always a possibility (and a temptation, frankly) I don’t think that is the case. I still feel that the over-riding issue for me is not wanting to just pick one thing to focus all my time and energy on. I have too many interests and hobbies to land on only one. I can’t even begin to tell you why this is such an issue for me, but it just is.
A lot of the sentiment from my last post about being too busy still rings true to me, though. So maybe I just need to spend some more time thinking about this and whittling away at some the peripheral interests and activities that I do, instead of just going cold turkey on picking only one thing to focus on. One of the activities from this weekend that sparked a lot of these thoughts for me was going to Venice Beach with my wife. I started to realize that I would have less time to spend at the beach once I started classes. And I didn’t like that thought at all! We haven’t been spending enough time in or near the ocean as it is. Maybe this all just means I need to go meditate at the beach for a while and see what comes to mind! 😉
Anyway, I write this today to encourage you to know that it’s OK to not have everything figured out all them time. There are things in life that we need to make sure are taken care of; bills are paid, food’s on the table, the kids have clothes to wear and a place to sleep, stuff like that. But there are some things in life that don’t need to be “figured out” right away, if at all. Life is a journey, and we all take different paths. If you’re the type of person that is motivated and driven to be the best you can be at one thing then that’s awesome. And if you’re like me and want to sample every thing at the buffet before you settle on your main dish, that’s OK too! It can be frustrating at times, but I am more and more making peace with the fact that I really wouldn’t want it any other way!